Ruthless!
by Joel Paley, Marvin Laird

A devoted wife and mother who floats effortlessly through life with a smile, whether doing housework, doting on her daughter, or taking a time-out to bake a cake. Though a woman with opinions on everything from how best to raise her child to preparing a well-balanced meal, she automatically defers to those around her, the result of her hallmark virtue: consummate politeness.

An adorable and alarmingly talented little girl who sings and dances as though she were born to entertain. When not “on stage,” she’s charming, courteous and, unlike most eight-year- olds, she knows exactly what she wants to be before she grows up...a big-time Broadway star!

She’s convinced herself, after years of failing to make it as an actress in New York, that true fulfillment could be found not only in front of an audience, but in front of a classroom. Returning to her hometown to become a third-grade teacher, she takes a strictly professional approach to putting on the annual school show.

An ordinary fourth-grader who likes jumping rope and eating lunch.

A boozy theatre critic who cracks wise, laughs at her own jokes, and can write a review so scathing she can close a Broadway musical in less than two paragraphs. She’s a loving and compassionate mother to Judy, whom she adopted and raised as her own child, but can’t resist making inappropriate jokes when engaged in a heart-to-heart talk with her, all in good fun, of course.

An assistant to a Broadway star, her behavior cycles from professional to erratic to downright bizarre. One minute she’s fiercely loyal, the next she’s imitating the star’s every move, clearly wanting to be her, not work for her. Her slipping into foreign accents would suggest she marches not to a different drummer, but to an entire drum corp.

Judy’s husband, Tina’s father, he shows up moments before the final curtain. Although we don’t see him, only hear him speak from offstage, it works best having someone deliver his lines live as opposed to using pre-recorded sound cues.All the characters (with the exception of Frederick, who makes a surprise entrance at the end of the play to speak the final line of dialogue) are females. The show can be performed with an all-female cast, though the role of Sylvia St. Croix originally was, and is often, performed by a male actor. Ultimately, the show can be mounted with any combination of male and female actors.The same actor can play both Louise Lerman and Eve, although this is not necessary.The role of Tina Denmark can be played a youngster or an adult. The show is effective either way for different and valid reasons. At the Triad Theater in New York City a thirteen-year-old actress and the author (a man in his fifties) played Tina in alternating scenes, appearing together on stage for a few well-chosen and crucial moments.

A stylish woman of a certain age whose histrionic flair secures her a place alongside Mama Rose, Dolly Levi, and Mame as the fourth head carved into the Mount Rushmore of Theatrical Dames. A no-nonsense manager whose specialty is discovering, signing, and guiding the careers of extraordinarily talented children.