Rumbo
by Cynthia Mercati

Billed as An Incredible Adventure in Two Acts, Rumbo is a fast paced farce, lampooning the action hero, as embodied by the foremost action star, Rocky Schwartzenburger.

However, Rocky is not the man we see on the big screen.

He's a whiner, with more interest in his manicure than doing any real action.

It's mild mannered Albert Nerval, a perfume chemist, who, because he's lost his glasses and is as blind a bat, accidentally takes on takes on Big Bad Mama Dupree and her biker daughters.

The military brass, watching the live show, decides Albert is the perfect man to take on the assignment of rescuing Americans held prisoner by Cobra, in the deepest, darkest jungle.

It turns out the prisoners are four annoying Miss America candidates, Miss Iowa, Miss Texas, Miss California, and Miss Mississippi -- the only girl who can't spell her state's name.

While trying to find the troops they're to entertain they get lost, and fall into Cobra's hands.

Colonel Zelda Armstrong trains Albert for his top secret mission, and soon Albert is lost in the jungle along with Cassandry Wembly -- gorgeous, glamorous and rich, so who cares that she's a nut, Don Druthers, celebrity spokesperson, Dragon, a martial arts expert, and the Duprees, back for more, and Rocky, who's really worried he's going to get a hangnail.

Through a series of misadventures, Albert ends up rescuing everyone and returns to work not as a meek chemist, but Reconnaissance Undercover Military Operator - RUMBO!

If you've ever been tempted to laugh at over the top action films and their heroes, not to mention beauty contest winners, reality actresses like China Sable, the Happy Hamburger Girl, and TV anchor men, Rumbo is for you.