The Twits
by David Wood

"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face.

And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it looks so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it."

How do you outwit a Twit?

Mr. and Mrs. Twit are the smelliest, ugliest people in the world.

They hate everything -- except playing mean jokes on each other, catching innocent birds to put in their Bird Pies, and making their caged monkeys, the Muggle-Wumps, stand on their heads all day.

But the Muggle-Wumps have had enough.

They don't just want out, they want revenge.

Performed by Simon Callow