The 3 1/2 Musketeers
by Alexandre Dumas, Jack Sharkey, Tim Kelly

Highlights

Female

Male

90 mins16th Century/ElizabethanBare Stage/Simple SetPeriod Costumes

Synopsis

Alexandre Dumas’ greatest swashbuckling novel is turned inside out, and the result is sheer musical hilarity.

Darth Canyon, a country lad, dreams of becoming a King’s Musketeer.

In Paris, he joins up with three of the best: Armistice, Pothole and Applesauce.

Because Darth Canyon is very short they decide to be known as “The 3 1/2 Musketeers.”

Soon Darth Canyon is smitten with one of the Queen’s handmaidens, the lovely Custard (she’s sweet and always running).

The Musketeers find themselves smack in the middle of a wild plot concocted by the evil Minister of State, Richelieu, and his number one spy, the devastatingly beautiful (and wicked) Countess De Whimper.

Press Reviews

"Take three bold, brave Musketeers, toss in a brash pint-sized would-be Musketeer, add a king who’s a giant chicken, blend with a conniving cardinal, and you've got the recipe for a musical melodrama that is goofiness at a gallop."
— Daily News

Characters

Character	Gender	Age	Description
Robaire Young farmer	—	—	Young farmer
Jean-Pierre Another young farmer	—	—	Another young farmer
Darth Canyon Soon-to-be a Musketeer, quite short	—	—	Soon-to-be a Musketeer, quite short
Pothole King's Musketeer	male	—	King's Musketeer
Applesauce Another King's Musketeer	male	—	Another King's Musketeer
Armistice Another King's Musketeer	male	—	Another King's Musketeer
Serving Girl In Paris tavern	—	—	In Paris tavern
Soupcon Richelieu's henchman	—	—	Richelieu's henchman
Anne Queen of France	female	—	Queen of France
Louis King of France	male	—	King of France
Custard Queen's servant	female	—	Queen's servant
Richelieu Villainous First Minister of France	—	—	Villainous First Minister of France
Madame Bushwhack Runs a rooming house	—	—	Runs a rooming house
Buck Prime Minister of England	—	—	Prime Minister of England
Countess De Whimper Richelieu's top agent, some dish	—	—	Richelieu's top agent, some dish
Mimi De Whimper’s handmaiden	—	—	De Whimper’s handmaiden
Fifi Another handmaiden	—	—	Another handmaiden
Bibi Another handmaiden	—	—	Another handmaiden
Man In Seaside Tavern Has important paper	—	—	Has important paper
Man In The Iron Mask Could use a can opener	—	—	Could use a can opener
Count Of Monte Cristo Could use a shave	—	—	Could use a shave
Executioner Chop, chop here, chop, chop thereCITIZENS, MEMBERS OF COURT, OTHERS, CHORUS AS DESIREDAuthors’ Note: In the premiere production at the Moorpark theatre, DARTH was played by a girl, Sandra Bunday; this is only beause no teeny talented tenors tried out for the role, so we went for a girl for matters of size; so when you announce auditions for productions of this show, please specify that your two leading roles require diminutive performers, so that the long-frustrated great-tenors-in-small-bodies show up!	—	—	Chop, chop here, chop, chop thereCITIZENS, MEMBERS OF COURT, OTHERS, CHORUS AS DESIREDAuthors’ Note: In the premiere production at the Moorpark theatre, DARTH was played by a girl, Sandra Bunday; this is only beause no teeny talented tenors tried out for the role, so we went for a girl for matters of size; so when you announce auditions for productions of this show, please specify that your two leading roles require diminutive performers, so that the long-frustrated great-tenors-in-small-bodies show up!
Darth Canyon’S Father Former Musketeer	—	—	Former Musketeer