

Sandy Toes & Salty Kisses
Susan Parker
Joan Scheller lives with the great love of her life, Sandy.
In an effort to hide their relationship from her overbearing sister-in-law, the former movie star Olivia St. Claire, she introduces him as her psychiatrist.
One little white lie leads to another.
Before long, Vinny the Enforcer, a quintessential Italian mobster, masquerades as her security guard, while her son, Chris, is forced to wear a dress and become her daughter Christina.
Further complications occur when her new neighbor, Rachael, whose life appears to be a series of catastrophes, creates chaos and confusion wherever she goes.
“The Doctor” is in.
Has Joan created a monster?
Everyone wants a session.
Olivia wants to discuss her love life, Rachael wants to know why she’s such a disaster, and Vinny wants to discuss his work as an “Enforcer.”
Sandy is forced to listen and give misguided advice, which, to everyone’s surprise, seems to work.
But what about love?
Of course there’s Joan and Sandy, if they can survive Joan’s white lies; then there’s Rachael, who is strongly attracted to Chris, if he can survive her mayhem.
Finally, there’s Olivia, who hires Vinny away from the mob to be her personal security guard (with benefits?) .
"Comical twists and turns."
— Vanguard Newspaper
| Character |
|---|
| JOAN SCHELLER (Age 45+) – Unconventional and free-spirited, she pays little heed to societal opinions, with the notable exception of her former sister-in-law, Olivia, who exerts a peculiar influence over her. When Olivia comes for a visit, Joan’s quick thinking and resourcefulness entangle the characters in a web of seemingly innocent white lies, creating chaos and confusion that reverberate throughout the play. Spirited, resourceful, protective, spontaneous |
| SANDY (Age 45) – Originally Joan’s gardener, but now the love of her life, he is a laid-back, affable man with a seemingly mild demeanor. Reluctantly acquiescing to the deception of being a psychiatrist, he is forced to listen and give misguided advice, which appears to be effective, with all who want a session with him. Pivotal to the plot, he is the glue which holds all Joan’s little white lies from being revealed. Good-natured, likeable, apprehensive, accommodating. |
| VINNY “THE ENFORCER” (Age 40+) – From his attire to his speech, he epitomizes the classic Italian mobster. Despite his tough exterior and intimidating demeanor, he reveals a surprisingly sensitive side. He becomes interwoven in the plot as his primary objective is locating Joan’s son for the mob, however he becomes captivated by Olivia and requires guidance from Sandy, the psychiatrist. Intimidating, menacing, conflicted, bungling. |
| OLIVIA ST. CLAIRE (Age 40+) – Joan’s former sister-in-law and a prosperous, aging movie star. Thinking herself well-intentioned, her overbearing, arrogant demeanor exerts authority over everyone, particularly Joan. Captivated by Vinny, she becomes entangled in the intricate web of fabrications, adding hilarious moments throughout the play. Condescending, imposing, dominant, articulate. |
| RACHAEL (Age 20+) – Joan’s new neighbor resides in her own distinctive world. Curious and whimsical, she has a penchant for overstepping boundaries. Her frequent tales of calamitous incidents leave others to wonder how she effectively maneuvers through life. Despite her shortcomings, she proves to be a sweet, considerate, kindhearted woman. Her clever verbal malapropisms generate many comedic moments. Sincere, innocent, sociable, carefree. |
| CHRIS (Age 20+) – Joan’s son projects an outward appearance of unemployment and carefree living, when in fact, he is employed by the FBI as an undercover agent to take down the mob. To shield Joan from this reality, he goes along with her little white lie that he is her long-lost daughter Christina, assuming the role, complete with disguise and humorous outcomes. He engages in numerous physical entertaining moments that contribute to the comedy of the play. Secretive, adaptable, caring, playful. |
Love, Lies & The Doctor's Dilemma is a comedy play written by Susan Parker and published by Samuel French .
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