Little Egypt
by Lynn Siefert

THE STORY: Faye Waltz has her hands full with her unmarried, sexpot daughter Bernadette; but when her other daughter, Celeste, moves back home as a thirtysomething, college-educated bookworm, Faye's situation is worse than before.

She suspects there's no hope for Celeste—whose idea of a good time consists of reading an encyclopedia on penicillin.

Faye, on the other hand, has been leading an active, though hardly fulfilling, sex life.

Her most recent conquest happens to be the mayor of Cairo, Hugh Door, but Hugh has the habit of calling up his estranged wife in the middle of the night, so Faye knows their time together will be short.

At a local shopping mall, Bernadette and Celeste meet the men of their dreams: Victor Mulkey Hood is an bumbling security guard at the K Mart; and Watson Mason is a recently unemployed super-stud who immediately fools Bernadette into letting him move in with her.

Celeste and Victor fall into a doting relationship of mutual respect and adoration; at one point, Celeste even “knights” Victor with his security guard flashlight.

Bernadette becomes pregnant, but when she asks Watson for a commitment he flees.

Dejected, Bernadette gives up the idea of having this baby and has an “extraction.”

In the meantime, Celeste asks Victor to be her hero and propose to Bernadette even though it means sacrificing him to her sister.

In response, Watson makes a pass at Celeste in front of Victor, nearly destroying the platonic relationship.

But, on the banks of the local river, Victor and Celeste reunite, marching off into a mock sunset together and proving that even the least promising of romantics can win at love in the end.