King Patch and Mr. Simpkins
by Alan Cullen

Play script. From England.

Completely absurd nonsense fantasy, peopled with unforgettable characters.

Cast of 3 women, 8 men, 1 dog.

Four simple sets, largely furnished with hangings.

Fantastic costumes.

An unemployed jester, down on his luck, recklessly releases a Djinn from captivity, who grants him a wish.

Against the advice of his companion, a distinguished English sheepdog named Mr. Simpkins, he wishes to be a king.

But this proves complicated, as he first has to pass the Test, and he finds his kingdom impoverished and endangered, and protected only by two bumbling baronets who are constantly on the verge of killing one another, for love of the Lady Fenella.

Bewitched unintentionally by Basil the Wuthering Beast, King Patch begins to turn into a rabbit, then falls into the clutches of Drusilla the Hag of the Crag, who needs a rabbit and a dog for the dexter and sinister supporters of her coat of arms.

It takes the Yale, "an absurd figure with spots and serrated horns curving opposite ways, and inconsequential tufts of hair, like a goat gone wrong," to rescue King Patch and Mr. Simpkins, foil Drusilla, find Lady Fenella's true knight, and restore the kingdom to prosperity.